In Between the Heartaches
by Unbridled.mind
Summary: In the world of what ifs...What if Antonio and Nicole, couldn't make it work? Just a short story ...let me experiment people...and there's a long fic on the way. R&R. Thanks for making my experience incredible all this time. x
1. May Be Trouble Ahead

Nicole and Antonio decided to see other people. Actually he decided, she agreed out of pride. At the time the rejection gave her a hunch that she wouldn't be getting any flowers anytime soon. Somehow, the break-up seemed justified after the umpteenth time she thought about it. He wasn't prepared to wait for something uncertain and much to her chagrin, his conditional staying was in the promise of something concrete at a time when her emotions were fluid. The inadequacy of being incapable of subscribing to the life he always wanted because of who she was made the heartache worse. Watching him leave and knowing she couldn't stop it made her give in to all the horoscopes that told her that an Aries woman and a Cancer man together were the height of incompatibility. He missed her; the excitement of her unpredictability, the tension, passion and ecstasy created when they made love and the grace period before their issues bubbled to the surface. In time he found someone new and, at least thought, he was over Nicole.

Nevertheless life moved on and nine months later she returned to the D.C. field office after a seven month deep cover operation in Memphis, Tennessee. The time away gave her a fresh perspective, a better mood and someone warm. Walking past his office, she heard a laugh through the crack in the door. The profile of the woman's face turned to reveal a striking resemblance to Rosario Dawson. An acute pang of anger and jealousy proved she was human but the absence of any instinct to act on it proved, for the moment, she was over him. Xiomara Ortiz, the thirty-one year old, statuesque, Dominican beauty was a curator with a carefree demeanour that didn't reflect her many encounters with death. In her last year of college, she lost her first lover, childhood best friend, paternal grandfather and teenage brother. Multiple causes of mourning only perpetuated her acceptable of mortality and further ride her of the natural thanatos-induced fear.

"Will you be done soon?" She asked, impatiently waiting.

"Absolutely."

"You said the same thing half an hour ago. It's just paperwork."

He finally gave up on it. "I did. Where to?"

"I heard that Chase has the best seafood in D.C."

He put on his jacket and opened the door for her. "Right this way."

Nicole recognised the look of excessive partying and an overload of work in Jess' twitchy behaviour.

"Are you on something?" She asked, startling her partner and reviving the link between them.

"Just a natural high. I'm hitting every club state-wide and beyond, you only live once right?"

"That's my girl. What else have you been up to?"

"I've had a few dating disasters but mostly I'm enjoying being young, free and single." Nicole smiled; pleased to hear Jess wasn't pining after Colin. "How was Memphis?"

"Like being in a time warp; good old Southern discomfort."

"What do you mean?"

"Silent segregation, class divide, police brutality; I thought LAPD were bad but damn. So, about Antonio…"

"I never had the time to tell you. I'm sorry."

"No worries."

"No worries?"

"Well, she's gorgeous - we all know he has great taste – so good for him." She exhaled on the end of her sentence leaving Jess flabbergasted with the appraisal that Nicole was either genuinely playing it cool or plotting double homicide.

"What's his name?" Jess asked, sure of another man being on the horizon.

"Rashad Williams. He lives outside Los Angeles, he's an HIV/AIDS consultant, brilliant, down-to-earth and…I love him."

"Wow. So does he know about you?"

"No. There was so much I couldn't say being undercover. Have you ever felt someone saw inside you? With no concern for the layers; they're just fighting to get to the essence of who you are only to embrace you for it."

"Not yet."

"That's how I feel and I want to tell him everything. Tonight."

"Good luck."

"See you in the morning."

Nina's phone call as she left the office was everything she expected of her mother; after scolding her for not getting back with Antonio, not being as sad about it as she was and not calling as often as was possible; she welcomed her back and thanked her for the jewellery she got for her birthday. Nicole subsequently buried the cell as far as she could in her handbag and fought the butterflies of doing what could be the most courageous act of her life.

At 7.30a.m. Jess and Antonio were reading the reports from their new case. By 8.00a.m. Nicole still hadn't shown up. Her absence an hour later told them something was wrong. Antonio called the Memphis office.

"She's supposed to be back." He said in a random tone.

"Didn't you see her yesterday?" Jess looked away as she knew that would set him off. She tried to stay out of their affair when it went sour but as the neutral point and mutual friend, they tended to drag her in without realising it.

"That's impossible, she would've said something. Where is she?"

Pollock's voice appeared before he did in the bullpen, they never noticed him walking up on them. "I don't know the location of the cat's mother but Agent Scott's car was found crashed into an old industrial building in the early hours of the morning."

"What about the Rhode Island case?" Jess asked.

"If that's your priority…it's not mine. I kicked it to the Virginia Field Office. Where was she going?"

"She didn't say where sir, just with whom."

"Who with?" Antonio asked on reflex, temporarily forgetting he slept with Xiomara just hours ago then regaining it with a smile.

"Rashad Omar Williams."

"Three names; sounds criminal." Antonio replied.

"Like Antonio Carlos Cortez?" Pollock rebutted, shutting him up. He knew sending Nicole away for a while would make her wise up and abandon the office romance; hearing that she had made him feel victorious, but even that glee didn't make her any more present. An agent handed him a file and was instructed to locate and bring in Nina and Rashad then Pollock declared, "Somewhere between leaving this office and her play-date with Mr. Williams, someone kidnapped Agent Scott."

"The kidnapping could've happened afterwards." Antonio suggested.

"Or she hasn't been kidnapped and just decided to take a day off. She could be with him now."

"Was the car crashed before or after the kidnapping?" Antonio asked Pollock who was already agitated at her disappearance.

"What do I pay you for? Hammer hard people." He ordered as he left.

"So she's seeing someone, cool." Antonio mustered.

"Talk it out when we find her." Jess suggested.

"I never thought _this_ would happen." Antonio replied in response to the kidnapping and her new boyfriend.

"We never do. No one is safe, we all know that. Let's bring her home."

_Two hours later. _

Pollock was waiting for them in Nicole's office after the canvas. "The boyfriend came up clean. He passed the polygraph and didn't ask for a lawyer. Imagine that."

"Maybe he's a sociopath." Antonio's Freudian slip was taken as a legitimate opinion.

"Not according to Dr. Susan Divine. He doesn't even know she's in the FBI. We have gifts, from the kidnapper." A bunch of sunflowers and box of Belgian chocolates sat on her old desk. "What did you find?" Pollock asked them with impatience.

"There was no sign of a struggle sir. The car was crashed after Nicole was taken, there's DNA other than hers in the front seat and the seat was back suggesting a man of six foot four or five. That's unlike her, not to fight, but there were no traces of chloroform; just glove marks on the wheel and a few smudged prints of her own. Footprints indicate two kidnappers, both male, one took her and the other crashed the car. The vehicle of choice was a used minivan as shown by the width of the tyre tracks."

"My vision showed Nicole running through a minefield, the grass had inanimate grey rabbits made of fluff on it."

"Dust bunnies." Antonio suggested.

"I guess so. Instead of footprints she was leaving tyre marks on the grass like those on the road. Then a white light shone and she fell into this vacant space, she looked out of it. It felt empty, numb."

Pollock slams a picture on the table in the bullpen, jolting them both. The picture was just like her image of Nicole in the vision. "It appears that you both need to brush up on your slang. The anesthetic-induced hallucinatory state of Agent Scott in your vision is caused by PCP. Angel Dust. I want better than this from both of you. She's one of ours and with all the lives she's taken for you, you should have found her, alive, by now."

"We're doing our best sir." Antonio said.

"I'm sure Scott feels the same." He rebutted. "Makes for a nice pin-up doesn't it? Every time you think of saying that think of this picture."

"We'll find her." Jess promised with resolve to Nina, while Antonio took a call. "How are you holding up?"

"I haven't slept at all. This is all my fault."

"You didn't kidnap her."

"I know who's behind this Jess."

Nicole was half-awake in the back seat of a minivan, devoid of consciousness. "Wh...?" She said unintelligibly.

"Don't worry baby, we'll be home soon." The driver told her. "Just enjoy the ride."


	2. Danger Zone

Antonio found the source of the flowers and the delivery company used for the chocolates, both in Memphis, Tennessee. He didn't question why he was working so ardently but if he did he would know that his efforts were overcompensation for his guilt and to a lesser extent, his jealousy. The work allowed for his denial of the start of old feelings that presented Nicole in a romanticised light and encouraged his irrationality. He decided to stop flogging the dead horse that was their relationship months ago and stood by it. Jess walked in on his phone call to Xiomara and was sure that _esposas_ meant handcuffs.

"What'd you find?" jess asked, as he wiped the grin off his face.

"I tracked the delivery orders back to the last place Rashad saw Nicole."

"Let me guess; it was paid for in cash so we can't conclude if he's behind it and that means we have to release him."

"It appears that way; but after obtaining the security tapes from that day I have footage of the man who made the order. He's African-American, in his late fifties/early sixties and has prison tats. Nina's right; Philip Dumont is Nicole's kidnapper."

"That's _if_ the kidnapper is he same person who sent the flowers."

"He's also Rashad's uncle."

Jess' face went pale. "Get out. Well that's good for us and terrible for Nicole. Did the Memphis PD spot the rented minivan?"

"No. Any new visions?"

"No; she's still running so I suppose that means she's still on the move. The shortest route from here to Chicago is 697 miles which would take around 13 hours depending on how many stops they make. Which part of Chicago did she grow up in?"

"The foster homes were mostly on the South and West sides." Antonio brought up his earlier search and altered the location. "There's a match to your vision; Cabrini Green Projects, Northeast Chicago."

"If that's the green I saw then Nina will know where to go. Why would he take her back there?"

"To finish what he started?"

Pollock's fond attachment with the media was backfiring as he'd spent the last four hours denying claims that an FBI agent from the missing persons task Force had ironically gone missing. He was, however, impressed that Rashad didn't break under interrogation regardless of the intensity of the grilling and the gravity of the accusations. Jess and Antonio's theory of Rashad's involvement grew slimmer in credibility as time passed.

"How would Dumont recognise Agent Scott when she was a toddler during their last encounter?"

"They met at a family barbecue. Nina said she's the spitting image of her father and it would be difficult to forget the face of a man whose head you caved in and spent twenty seven years in jail for."

"Thank you for the macabre imagery Mastriani. We're running out of time to charge Mr. Williams."

"I know sir but there's a possibility he was involved. What if Dumont located Nicole and sent in his nephew to gain her trust? Then he could plan to enact his revenge on Nina by taking Nicole the night she intended to meet him." Antonio reasoned.

"And you say this with no evidence of long-term correspondence? Wow. That's a stretch. Are you certain he's linked or do you _want_ to be? Drop this line of investigation and focus on locating that minivan and tracking where this psycho has taken her. Release Mr. Williams."

_The following morning 2.30a.m._.

"What do you think he meant?" Antonio asked Jess while sticking pins in a map from the sightings of the minivan.

Jess exhaled. "You wanted to think the worst of Rashad because that makes him less threatening."

"I'm not threatened." He snapped.

"Okay. Why is Dumont making this so easy? It's like he wants us to find him."

"He doesn't know the FBI are looking for her because the only person whose attention he wants is her mother's."

"I have to admit; twenty-seven years is a long time to brood."

"Nina only got ten because she testified against him for a lower sentence in her own trial."

"That's got to hurt. After his release in 2000, he tried to contact her; she changed her numbers and address. In 2004, she changed her name. She must have known he wanted contact and denying it was likely to agitate him."

During the twenty-something hours they never spent more than ten feet away from each other and Nicole had realised who she was with. She recognised his voice from the barbecue and remembered being introduced to him at a time when she had no way of identifying who he was. Now her fear of meeting the same fate as her father was compounded by the crushing feeling of betrayal as she subscribed to Antonio's original train of thought. She thought she was past the age of being manipulated by men and one she thought was worth it had quenched that belief. By the time they arrived at his apartment, the delirium had worn off but the urge to kill him was suppressed by rubbing the spot on her wrist where she was injected.

"This was never about you. It was about us being together like we planned as kids. Then in walks Ray with his goddamn Southern drawl and she left me. Only to come back running when he started beating her and I fell for her again." He lit a cigarette and offered her one which she took to relax. After a few drags it settled her nerves. "One day he came home early from work. She left you watching TV, we were in the bedroom and to cut a long story short; he had it coming. I told her to paint a story the judge would cry over, lie through her teeth about not knowing what happened so I set up a good life for her when she got out. Instead she sang like a fucking canary." Nicole knew that if he kept talking it might just save her life so she let him go on, invariably silent, but the fear never subsided as did the wish that her friends were on their way.

"Please tell me you've got something." Nina pleaded to Pollock.

"She's not where you thought. She's not even in Chicago. What happened the last time you spoke?"

"I moved to Detroit to start over and he called. I knew I wasn't safe."

"So you fled the apartment?"

"Yeah; I left it just as it was."

Pollock handed her a list of everywhere she'd lived in the last ten years. "Where?"

"Do you know what kismet means? Destiny. That's what brought us together the first time we met. Don't you remember? Come on baby, Memphis. You wore that green top on jeans, I have to admit; you looked so good I meant to talk to you. Then my nephew put his arm around you and I thought; step off. When we shook hands I recognised you right away; because you look just like that pretty motherfucker." He offered her another cigarette and she took it. Her hand was shaking from the news of her boyfriend's lineage. As an investigator, she didn't believe in coincidences.

"If you were mine; it wouldn't have been this way. Looking at you; I wish you were. Do you know what happens to a man in jail? He loses the will to live and the only thing that keeps him going is the idea that somebody is waiting on the other side. Do you like what I did with the place? I wanted it to be real nice for you so you'd come back." She realised she was talking to the loneliest man she had ever met. He slowly pulled her Glock out of his jacket on the coffee table. "I found this in your glove box. Something tells me you're skilled with it too. Am I right?" She took a long drag of the second cigarette and nodded. "Good. A pretty one like you has to protect herself. I bet you have to beat them off with a stick. I'm so glad you're home."

A call to the landline jolts Nicole and gratifies Philip. "You started this baby, now come up here and finish it. You've got ten minutes." Nicole sussed out her mother was on the end of the line instead of Pollock and couldn't decipher whether that was a good or bad thing. "You want what?" He asked, then relented and gave Nicole the phone on loudspeaker. "Nicole?"

"I'm here mom." Nicole replies, knowing this part of the procedure: proof of life.

"Hold tight; we're coming to get you." Nicole shook her head at her mother's lack of discretion.

"We?" His abrasive question was answered by Pollock's call to his cell phone. Whatever Pollock was saying was threatening enough for him to grab the gun from the coffee table and force her against the wall. "What happens next?" He asked, pressed the steel to her left temple.


	3. Burnt Bridges

Antonio had every intention of finding her, but as they neared the location his worry painted scenarios he didn't want to confront and images he couldn't bear to see come to fruition. He never figured out whether he was more motivated to rescue her as an associate or ex-girlfriend but ironically Philip was the one who needed saving. Once she had reclaimed possession of the gun, she started shooting like a woman possessed. Whether her adrenaline was natural or the last after-effect of the high; with each bullet fired she felt more satisfied even when her aim was off. The first ate into his right shoulder; tearing through the skin and soaking this shirt within minutes. Antonio's arrival to an old man crouched on the floor in agony while Nicole contemplated where to plant the next one was somewhat relieving. He could either fight with her for the gun and risk being shot himself or let her do what might give her the utmost satisfaction after all she had been through. The sound of his attempt at mediation was akin to a gnat in her ear, annoying her out of concentration. He didn't recognise the woman who wiped the misty blood of a close-range shooting from her face until her shoulders dropped, she lowered her weapon and she turned to face him.

"I missed your birthday."

"Don't worry about it. Let's get you out of here."

"Wait. I meant to call or at least send something."

"You didn't have to, Pollock is waiting outside."

She didn't move. "July 7th." He told himself it didn't matter but was still surprised she remembered. "Did you know I spent that weekend searching State Park for a ten-year-old boy who ran away?"

"No I didn't."

"His father's killer gets off on murdering people in front of their kids. He has an affectionless psychopathic personality. And when I found him I told him it gets easier but tell me, does it?"

"I really can't say. Let's go."

"What's stopping me? Why didn't I put one right between his eyes?" Philip's groans provided a backdrop to her rhetorical questions. "You got some gum?"

He pulled out half a gum stick from his back pocket and refrained from asking her all the questions he had to under protocol. The awkward silence of seeing each other for the first time in months and, on undesirable grounds, spoke volumes for where they stood with each other. The relationship was so fragmented that even in standing together; they knew they were miles apart. "You look different." He said to the face emblazoned in his mind for eternity.

"You do too." She stomached, reliving their last encounter and feeling a surge of the sweetest pain of staring love in the face and knowing you can't even touch it. Not that she had the energy. After making it to the car her body switched off not allowing her to fight against exhaustion.

_Two weeks and four days later. _

The disadvantages of wanting to move on with her life post-trauma were the lingering reminders. Unlike any previous experience, she couldn't be alone or stand the silence afterwards. Luckily she didn't have either since her mother as good as moved in and refused to leave until her conscience permitted. There way no way for Nicole to make her mother understand that she didn't actually blame her but once guilt motivated her, there was little Nina wouldn't do. In that time she studied Nicole; her mordant humour, the way she compartmentalised her things and the veneer she donned so as not to betray any signs of weakness. She found that her daughter was one of the proudest people to walk the earth and hated to be wrong but, it was her code of honour and empathy that dispelled the thought that she may have given birth to Ray Junior. After she stopped apologising, they started to bond again and the fear that every time they met would be the last subsided.

Jess and Antonio continued working in her absence with different ways of dealing with the situation. He vehemently denied having any feelings for her while obsessing over the evidence whereas Jess put it behind her so as not to interfere with her visions. After their taxing case was over, they found Nicole in her office, regrettably reading through the case file. Curiosity got the better of her, and as a consequence, made her feel physically sick.

"Does this mean you're back?" Jess asked, sitting on her desk.

"No I have to pass the psychiatric evaluation first."

"I think you should wait until you're ready." Antonio suggested from the doorway. "The arraignment is next week. Are you going?"

"Probably. The Michigan DA called; apparently his lawyer's using temporary insanity as defence."

"That's ridiculous; kidnapping is a felony." Jess' outrage was met with Nicole's nonchalance.

"I don't care. If I did I would've killed him when I had the chance. It's over Jess, it's _been_ over."

"You won't take the stand." Antonio uttered with a twinge of disappointment.

"I'm not the by-product of their mess." In her mind, the realisation was overdue. She had known it for a long time but believing it was an uphill struggle until she let go of the notion that someone else, past or present, could determine her own worth and control her life accordingly. Hours of meditation away from work and during the nights when insomnia stole her sleep, had drawn an image of freedom being within her grasp if she freed a hand to catch it, and that was her intention.

The last days before she returned to work were spent with someone she had unfinished business with. The sunlight on her face, the illusory Utopian appearance of Los Angeles and girly flowers he bought her provided a stark contrast to the hell she caught weeks before. However; something undeniable was bringing them together again and against her better judgement; it was night fall by the time she finished unveiling. She hoped the disclosure wouldn't send him running and although that insecurity coupled with the bare feeling of being honest played with her, there was no shame in it.

"I know it's complicated and I come with a lot of…stuff but…"

"I'm not my uncle and you're not your father, right?"

"Right."

"So neither of us should pay for choices that we didn't make. It probably feels easier to walk but easier doesn't mean better."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I'm surprised, intrigued, maybe even shocked but that was life before us."

"It's not that easy."

"So it's complicated. I don't think you're the type to run from a challenge."

"You don't know what you're in for."

"Winners never quit."

_A week later. _

"I've noticed you haven't been yourself since you came back." Antonio commented, brandishing the finished report from their first case together.

"It's only natural for me to feel different."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I'm cool. I know things were hardly peachy between us when I left but I don't want to lose my friend."

"Your friend?"

"I'm a better agent and friend than a girlfriend; according to you."

"What if I was wrong?"

"You weren't."

"Am I still wrong?"

"It doesn't matter."

"What if I told you that; ten months ago I made a mistake?"

"I still love you but it's a '_defend you with my Glock and always got your back'_ love."

"Is that enough?"


	4. Gettin' In The Way

"It has to be." Those words rang in his mind while he analysed their multiple meanings. That was his reply to a question he couldn't remember asking when they broke up for the third and, what appeared to be, the final time. He finally remembered on the extended drive home; it was his response to; _"Is this the only way you can be happy; without me?" _

_"It has to be." _

He felt a release that night, as though he was free of the spell she'd cast on him, the one that rendered him powerless when it came to wanting her. In her absence he had moved on; party because of the hundreds of miles that kept them apart and mostly due to the guarantee that someone out there wanted the same things and was able to compromise enough to have it. But sitting across from a man who was clearly in love with her, as he had been, and hearing first hand that she had found someone else had thrown him emotionally and brought home the feeling of being burned. He wasn't in love with her but he wanted answers, answers he'd wanted in Phoenix and at the present time, primarily; how can two people who love each other so much be unable to make it work?

Nina shook her head at her daughter as she recounted the abrupt and short-lived tête-à-tête; she was still nursing her own upset with the break up. Although Antonio was the only boyfriend she had met thus far, she was sure he would always be her favourite but Nicole informed her of the loop their relationship ran in. The beginning was numbing and ecstatic, making them believe they could do and be anything together, then reality set in, reminding them or who they were and who they were with, and finally the cracks began to show and they were headed for the graveyard; again.

"Why does it have to be that way?" She asked, trying to focus and watch Kevin Hill at the same time.

"Because we can't transform into radically different people. Okay…I can't."

"You think that's what he wants?"

"I'm always the one accused of killing it, always, and I can't live with that kind of guilt. It's like I'll spend my whole life making it up to him just for being who I am." Nicole's revelation as striking on two counts, firstly it was the most honest she'd even been with her mother and secondly, it went against Antonio's assumption that she was more committed to her relationship with herself than the one with him.

He was unaware of how insecure she could feel pertaining to him, especially when she was misunderstood. Xiomara came with less stress and even less neuroses and he was instantly drawn to her Piscean empathy and endless creativity. She was driven by her passions, one of those being him, and he wasn't going to let her go. Although he wouldn't admit it, life seemed much simpler when Nicole was away.

She exhaled for the fourth time in five minutes while the bartender took their orders.

"Mojito."

"Raspberry Daiquiri."

"What's up?" Jess asked eagerly, after being stonewalled about their last conversation. "Are you still having flashbacks?"

"Not often. How's the nightlife?"

"Fun but empty. I needed the distraction but now I really have to deal with it. Colin's back."

"Did you talk?"

"No. He was with someone else and it hurt like hell."

"It always does."

"That's easy for you to say; your knight has come."

"I lost a good one and there's no way of getting him back so I understand. I _had_ to move on. I try to be happy for him but I can't help feeling that…listen to me; it's pathetic."

"No it's not." Her pager went off. "We're on."

Allentown, Pennsylvania.

"What happened the last time you saw your daughter?" Nicole asked, pouring the woman a glass of water.

"Nothing unusual. I told her I was working the graveyard shift so she needed to pick up her brothers from Rec Club at five. Hailey, that's my eldest, promised to watch them from nine so I expected Jen to be home to meet her but she wasn't. The school called me to say the boys hadn't been picked up."

"When was this?"

"Ten to six. It's not like her to do that, she never has."

"Has Jennifer's behaviour changed recently?"

"When I was laid off last year, we moved house and they moved schools mid-year. I think she had trouble adjusting."

"What kind of trouble?"

"There's a group of girls at school who…"

"Bully her." Nicole finished, aware that most parents don't want to admit it. "Has this been going on since she changed schools?"

Patricia nodded. "At first I thought it was just normal preteen behaviour, you know how girls are, but she's complained more about it over time. I went to the school; that made it worse and she won't talk to me about it. She just says they're making her life a living hell. I should have done more."

"You are." Nicole reassured her. "Other than that, can you think of any other reason she would run away?"

"None. Other than that, we're close. She gets along with her siblings and she's doing so well in school."

"I have to ask this Ms. Abrams, do you have a boyfriend?"

"I'm a nurse with four children, three at home, and my newest nail polish is a year and a half old. So no, I don't."

Jess joined Antonio on the search in Jennifer Abrams' bedroom. She was looking for signs that might inspire empathy, some insight into who she was and what she was running from. She pulled out a Carol Ann Duffy anthology from the bookshelf and flicked through until a picture fell out then speed-dialled Nicole.

"You know that poem, _before you were mine_?"

"Yeah it's about the guilt she felt for stealing her mom's youth and joie de vivre. Sounds familiar? Anyways, what've you got?"

"Our girl is a self-harmer."

"At twelve? Damn."

"Patricia said their father is deceased, right?"

"Actually, the boys' father died two years ago. Hailey and Jennifer's father walked when she was four. The last location I have for him is Trenton, New Jersey."

"Well this picture is very recent and there are more."

"Any including Hailey?"

"None so far. I'm on my way now."

Nicole beat Jess to the location and unexpectedly, waited for her. Through her binoculars, she was entertained by an argument between Hailey and what must have been her boyfriend or her baby's father. She recognised the apartment building by structure alone, it was shared housing for young unwed mothers; a place she once contemplating deliberately getting into just so she could leave her foster home at the time.

"How long have you known your father was in contact with Jennifer?" Jess did the interrogating while Nicole tore the place apart in search of a newer and accurate address.

"She asked me where he was after Jordan was born, sixteen months ago. So I looked into it and we talked. I told him if he didn't want to see her more than once then she couldn't see her at all. He's done it to me but there's no way I'd let that happen to my sister."

"They meet here, don't they?"

Hailey nodded. "Every three weeks. I know mom would've stopped it but it was Jen's decision, not hers. Look I don't know where she is if they're not together."

Antonio called Nicole from Sunbury where he had Stefan Pouillis pinned against the wall, nearing a broken arm. "She's not here." Antonio said, over the grunts of Stefan's cursing about the pain. "Have you been through the list of sex offenders yet?"

"No, can you meet me at the Philly field office in an hour or two?"

"Sure, anything else?"

"Yeah. We need to talk."

Jess flicked through the anthology and participated in one of Nicole's impromptu vision tests. They had been trying to find more stimuli for visions than empathy and for some reason; this inanimate object was one of them. She was speed reading until she read one poem that caused a vision to consume her. Hailey stopped making a bottle and stared at her, quickly assuming Jess was about to have a seizure. Whatever she saw was disturbing and she didn't want to discuss it with anyone. Nicole locked eyes with her and they shared an understanding that they could avoid the vision but not the message.

"Where did he take you?" Jess asked Hailey, while confirming that she and Nicole were on the same mental wavelength. Nicole folded the page and took the book back to the field office. She didn't need to read the poem at all, she knew it verbatim from high school; _we remember your childhood well_.

"Hey you." Antonio said as she walked into their temporary office. With one glance she could mentally recall what she was wearing; an olive green V-neck top, dark denim Baby Phat hip huggers and green leather Kurt Geiger wedges, and how good she looked in it. She handed him Jordan's pacifier and fished the empty juice boxes out of the small trash can on the floor.

"Can you test these?"

"For?"

"I need to know if there's a match between the fibres, or skin cells or whatever it is you need to prove a genetic similarity."

"That's a heavy accusation to make Nicole."

"Prove me wrong and I'll agree."

"If you're right, how does this put us closer to finding Jennifer?"

"Are you doubting me or helping me?" The double entendre to her sentence turned the air from light to compressed, suddenly there wasn't enough space for them and the huge elephant in the room. Jess' call broke the silence.

"There was a fire at the cemetery at Fenton Avenue and 23rd West."

"I'm on my way."

"Don't. Meet me at Schepp Woods. I've got the main entry."

Nicole ran a computer search. "There are three potential exits on the west and south sides and I'll get tactical teams to cover them. Look for bent iron; she's small enough to pass through."

"Alright."

"And Jess?"

"What?"

"Breathe."


	5. Over and Out

With the help of a tactical team of fifteen, they recovered the body of Jennifer Abrams within an hour. The blood loss from her slashed wrists had left her lethargic, almost comatose, but she was still alive; they still had a chance of saving her. After the doctors has stabilised her and give her a blood transfusion, Nicole was left with one apology, and Jess with one revelation.

"We know Hailey." Hailey's jittery behaviour was perpetuated by Jess' words. The hospital was fairly quiet and even though they were alone at the coffee machine, Jess' voice seemed to reverberate in Hailey's ears alone. "We know why you left home, that you were…how you got Jordan."

Hailey exhaled as though she was carrying steel on her shoulders. "That doesn't matter, Jen does."

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it but if you need help, counselling,"

"I don't. I need my sister to be okay. Thanks for finding her." Hailey started to walk away but Jess stood in her way.

"We can't just ignore it even if you want to."

"Fine, tell my mom and if she believes you, maybe you'll get somewhere."

Patricia refused to believe that her daughter would attempt suicide let alone why. As always, they had the facts but couldn't generate faith in those facts to people who were resistant. Nicole told the truth and any denying of it was out of her control. Jennifer would return home and the job was done, just questions beyond human capacity were left unanswered. Antonio waited for Nicole and their conversation.

"What are we doing?" He asked as they walked to the car.

"I thought there wasn't and couldn't ever be a "we" to speak of."

"That was callous."

"No. It was honest and honestly, you were right."

He felt the pang from every time she said _you were right _in terms of something negative he had said or when she recalled their arguments. It confirmed the existence of bad blood between them and made him wonder if they ever had a blank slate of just carried each failed attempt at the relationship into the next. "I meant, why are we avoiding each other?"

"We're adjusting to life with other people and some people visit more often than others." Her catty comment highlighted her annoyance at Xiomara's presence at the office, caused by an acute jealousy that greatly amused him. "Besides, you need space and so do I. I'm starving."

After returning to D.C., they were eating dinner together and learning how to be around each other again. She devoured a plate of tagliatelle with green pesto, aubergine and mushrooms with no concern for who was watching.

"What do you think would happen if one of us got married?"

She looked up from her plate in bemusement. "Why'd you ask? Have you proposed?" the last question had a deep undertone of shock.

"No I haven't."

"But you intend to, clearly or else you wouldn't have asked."

"You know what I want."

"How couldn't I?" She responded with a hint of resentment which he wasn't distracted by.

"This is strictly hypothetical."

"Thanks for warning, I mean, informing me."

"Nicole, what wasn't I prepared to do for you?"

"Exactly. _For _me not with me; I'm not your project Antonio, you can't mould me into whatever you want and you can't guilt trip me either."

"You fought me at every turn; nothing I did was enough for you."

"You did too much. You act, I react, where's the choice in that?"

"The choice is in how you react."

"Right; your way or no way. What I don't understand is how you say you love me for everything but my flaws. That's not love; that selective affection."

"I never said that."

"That's how I felt. I felt if only I wasn't the problem…" She sighed heavily. "Marry her Antonio."

"What?"

"Marry her, have four kids and be happy; let her do what I can't." The ambiguous statement was never qualified as Nicole folded the napkin, put some money on the table and left.

Jess watched her friends clog the air with tension and blanket that with false cordiality for the following weeks. Whatever happened that night would adversely affect the atmosphere at work for the near future, or so she thought. Once again, she couldn't get a word out of either of them and wished she knew. Antonio struggled to know what she was referring to but when he got the courage to ask, she was on the phone to her boyfriend with the same affection and excitement she used to have for him and to his chagrin, maybe more so. She hung up and continued humming an old Tamia song he recognised from Phoenix. That sensory memory stayed with him.

"What's up?" She asked, collecting her reports into a blue folder for the out tray.

"I need to leave early tomorrow, can you cover?"

"Sure. Look, what you do is up to you and I should respect that."

"There's something you should know."

"Shoot."

Three months later, Nicole found herself engaged, sitting in one of the pews furthest from the altar and asking herself what the hell she was doing there. Her mother had advised her against it but being as proud as she was, she had to go and let this day mark the extinction of their relationship. She vaguely saw Jess and Colin, who had reconciled under the condition that he stopped going on long term undercover operations. Nicole was glad for her friend and tried her hardest to be happy for Antonio on the day she finally got what he wanted. She made it through the wedding ceremony and made a quick exit before the reception, where he saw Jess and asked where Nicole was.

Nina was waiting for Nicole, sprawled on her couch and looking through photo albums.

"How was it?"

Nicole took the clip out of her hair and shook her head. "Like drinking acid. It was beautiful."

Nina did her best not to say I told you so. "It's never too late you know."

Nicole eyeballed her with a look that said; _that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard_. "He's gone Mom, now and forever. That's just the way it is."

Following the honeymoon, Nicole had very few words for him outside of work. She displayed a false graciousness until it became true. She moved on, eventually married someone she loved but sometimes she felt the tremor of regret which told her they could have and should have fought harder to stay together and in not doing so, they had cheated each other out of their destiny and chosen another. Although they found ways to be happy in their new separate lives, sometimes they thought back to the time they were an _us_ and nothing ever felt so sourly saccharine.


End file.
